whats the point?

whats the point in me trying so hard to get to it, when she is simply trying even harder to avoid it?



whats the point in doing or saying anything now, when everything was just a facade?



whats the point in asking, if it was going to be another "just get this over and done with, and get it out of the way" kinda thing?



whats the point in tryin to find the truth, when all you get are more lies?



whats the point in tryin so hard, when all that is going to happen is me falling even harder?



whats the point in trying to heal the wounds, when the cuts just get deeper and deeper?



whats the point of it all, when i'm just being played like a puppet on a string?



When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

nobody knows...

Here i am with so many things to say and ask. Being so close yet so far. i just can't find the courage to do so.

i just wanna ask you how you are? how you really are? hows things going for you? coping well?
i just wanna hold you close and look into your eyes and be able to smile ever so genuinly. to be able to laugh and joke like we used to. to stop avoiding one another. to stop being afraid of 'what ifs'. did you really mean what you said? are you really happier now? everytime i look at you, i want to smile, but i can't. i just forced one anyway.

you know how it hurts me to see others being able to laugh and joke with you. to go shopping and do random things together. its like seeing the past flash right in front of me and what is left of it now. and there's simply nothing i can do abt it. why do i find it so hard to just talk to you? to find the courage and the right words? why are things so different now? i feel so ashamed that i made you so miserable and sad. i didn't know and i sincerely apologise for that. i am sorry for all the hurt i brought you. for all the times i made you sad and cry. i wish i could take away all those sad memories and pain.

when you asked me to think of a song, the first song that came to my mind was 'Lucky'. i didn't put that song into my ipod when i came for this trip, just so i wouldn't be reminded of the hurt. but somehow.. and this is the truth, that song kept on being played on the radio everywhere i went. in EVERY single country i visited. everyday. Second song that came to my mind was 'Always' by Bon Jovi. perfect song for what i'm really feeling and going through right now.

the song you played right after that. i lied when i said its been too long since i last heard it. i just had to say smth to stop the tears from falling. i played it everytime i was on the train. with hours and hours to myself, just to ponder and think abt things and how i differently i could have gone about things. "i just can't get you off my mind" "will i ever see you smiling back at me" "why can't this feeling just fade away?" these few brief lines just kept playing in my head even when the song stopped.

everytime i close my eyes. i just wish silently that everything will be alright once i open them again. i couldn't be more wrong.

but i guess.... you're really happy with the way things are right now. and i do not want to screw it all up again. i just want you to be happy. to have that liberation to be whatever you wanted to be. to do whatever you always wanted to do. to meet more people. to widen your options. to take your time growing up. to explore your future and turn the pages of your book slowly. i just thought i could have been a part of that. i have always loved you and i always will. however cynical you may be, this i meant from the bottom of my heart. you will always have a special place in my heart. and i will always be here for you, whenever you need someone to talk to, to bitch to, to let off your steam, to cry, or simply to disturb. i will always be here for you.

Day after day
Time pass away
And I just can't get you off my mind

Nobody knows ... I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show ...
To letting you know ...
I've never felt so much love before

And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out ...

But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see
You smiling back at me
How will I know?
If I let you go ...

Night after night I hear myself sayin'
Why can't this feeling just fade away?
There's no one like you ...
You speak to my heart...
It's such a shame we're worlds apart ...
I'm too shy to ask ...
I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out ...

But if i let you go
I will never know
What my life would be
Holding you close to me
Will i ever see
You smiling back at me
How will i know?
If i let you go ...

Once again I'm thinking about ....
Taking the easy way out ....

-If i let you go
Westlife

always

This romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up

Now I can't sing a love song
Like the way it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him that those words were mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

Always - Bon Jovi

To love and be Loved is to feel the sun from both sides - David Viscott, 1974.

Just happened to stumble over this quote, and i never realised how true it was until i really gave it some thought.

When i say I Love you, I don't say it out of habit, or to make conversation. I say it to remind you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me. (: And when the rest of the World walks out. I'll still be here. I promise. (:

Met you by surprise, I didn't realize
that my life would change forever
saw you standing there, I didn't know I cared
there was something special in the air.

Dreams are my reality
the only real kind of real fantasy
illusions are a common thing
I try to live in dreams
it seems as if it's meant to be.

Dreams are my reality
a different kind of reality
I dream of loving in the night
and loving seems alright
although it's only fantasy.

If you do exist, honey don't resist
show me a new way of loving
tell me that it's true
show me what to do
I feel something special about you.

Dreams are my reality
the only kind of reality
maybe my foolishness has past
and maybe now at last
I'll see how a real thing can be.

Dreams are my reality
a wonderous world where I like to be
I dream of holding you all night
and holding you seems right
perhaps that's my reality.

-Reality
Richard Sanderson

life as i see it

One will face many difficulties wherever he/she may go, do. There will be good times and bad times. Fun times and sad times. Life is such.. you can let it play with you.. or you can live it.

However life is short. so at times you feel it all at once.. you're up then you're down. You want to smile but you have to frown.

So have you really thought about what are the things/people that make you smile.. ever so genuinely? The kind where/who you turn to, both when you're up and down. Once you find them.. hold on tight. Never let them go. Unless Happiness is not what you want in life. These are the kind of things/people who you should treasure and keep close no matter what. No amount of money, fame, pride, success, job superiority can give you what these people can ever give you. TRUE HAPPINESS.

When it hurts too much to look back, or too afraid to look ahead. just turn to ones who have always been by your side all this time. In times of difficulty or need or when the going gets tough, your job is not the one who will make you smile again, neither will the superficial people you call friends. The only thing/people you can really rely on are your family members. Your loved ones. Your true friends. People who truly love you for who you are. People who are willing to give their all just so they can see you smile again. No matter where you are, how far the distance. You will always be cared for and thought about.

How many people can you count who you know you can really rely your life on. Know that they will do anything, anything at all for you? You're considered lucky if you even have five.

Imagine a day, you're home from work and all you see are the four walls, your tv, the bed, your com. And no one you can talk to. No one to give you a hug when you need one. No one to smile and laugh with you. No shoulder for you to lean and cry on. You may have all the money, fame and success in the world.. but as i see it you have nothing.

Now picture yourself coming home to a loving spouse, your smiling and happy kids, your family. All the stress from work evapourates that very instant. Why do you work so hard for if not for them?

Friends come and go. But family will always be family. Treasure those you love and who truly love you.



My two cents worth on life and love as i see it.





p.s. meaning of love is subjective.